Expectations

I tried very hard to limit my expectations about both pregnancy and motherhood. I historically do not do well when my expectations are improperly managed, so I thought the tactic of no expectations would be the best.  For the most part, this has worked out nicely.  A few things still surprised me. I don’t think anything could have prepared me for the sheer exhaustion and confusion of the first few weeks with a new baby. I just never knew if what I was doing was “right.” Then by month two, I threw the concept of “right” out the window.

The one expectation I did have, however, was that I would happily return to work after my three months of leave.  I justified staying out of work for six more weeks by needed to solidify breastfeeding before I rocked the boat by returning to work. I also hadn’t worked out childcare and there were a few other reasons here and there, but I also just didn’t feel ready. It took my a little while to even admit that to myself, I had always just assumed that I would want to hop right back in to work and I just didn’t. I still don’t. I am going to stay working and have seriously started looking for a sitter because I think my working at home days without help will end when the baby gets mobile.

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