Not Good Enough

Sometimes the internet makes me feel like a crappy mother. I get the urge to clear out my reader, dump my twitter account and finally cut ties with facebook. I feel like the things I do aren’t good enough. I breastfed, but had to supplement due to low supply. A lot of lactivist bloggers causally state that low supply is such a rarity that it makes me feel like they are telling me I faked it. I only plan on breastfeeding for about a year. I’m not going to aggressively wean, but I’m going to stop taking domperidone and I am not sure how my supply will do. I cloth diaper, but not from birth and not all the time. I stay home, which online is a good thing, but I was just at a gathering where the women seemed a little judgemental because I stopped working. They all work except for one and were acting like I just couldn’t handle being a working mom. I plan on sending my child to regular old public school, not home schooling, not waldorf or montessori – just school. I feel like all of my choices are being picked apart on any random day on twitter. Maybe I am jealous that I am not more hard core in my crunchy choices, but I love paper napkins. I just need to remember that I am raising a great little boy and making the choices that are right for me and my family.

Maybe I’m just feeling insecure and old because my birthday was yesterday or maybe I need an internet vacation because I really do love the friends I have made through twitter and the peeks I have into people’s lives through their blogs. Comparisons are hard, I know I shouldn’t make them, but I do. And I feel less fun and less cool than other moms. I feel old and geeky and it is kind of like high school and I HATED high school.

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3 Responses to “Not Good Enough”

  1. You are comparing yourself to the wrong people LOL I know because I am JUST like you. I cloth diaper but use disposable wipes *gasp* My daughter is going to go to preschool at the age of 3.5 (no homeschooling oh my!!!) My house is not nearly as clean as others I see (ok it isn’t clean at all) and we do NOT have a schedule around here (who knows when nap time is – 12? 2? 3?)

    But I saw a horrible mother at McDonalds today and and realized that as much of a failure as I feel like I am just comparing myself to these odd perfectionist women. But compared to lazy & selfish moms I am a very good mom.

    Sure you don’t live up to those super high expectations that you read online but you are a dedicated mother. You love them and do what is best for them. For this you should be reassured.

    [Reply]

  2. First Happy Birthday! Second, I totally feel you about the comparisons. I recently started hanging out w/ a group of moms and often feel like I’m not part of the ‘club’ b/c I’m not a super breastfeeding, cloth diapering, shopping at the food co-op eating only local produce mama. But then I realize I’m being kinda ridiculous and no one cares that Ivy’s snack trap is filled with plain old cheerios not organic oaty-o’s.
    And at the end of the day, you are raising a super little man (hi, he’s figured out both the ring stacker and the shape sorter before his first b-day, he’s clearly a genius)to be a decent human being, and that’s what matters.

    [Reply]

    Amy Reply:

    Thank you both. I think I just needed to get it out of my system.

    [Reply]

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