Dear Spencer

Dear Spencer:
I’m not really big on bloggers writing letters to their kids and posting them on the internet. I think it’s weird; not as weird as fetus letters, but still weird. And yet, here I am doing that very thing. I’m writing to you because I had you in my mid-thirties and if you wait until my age to have kids of your own, I’ll probably be dead and won’t be there to help you out. This seems a little morbid, but you were born with only one living biological grandparent, so it also seems likely. Being a parentless parent sucks, sorry kiddo.

I’m writing this now because I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry that my social anxiety means that you probably won’t have any friends until grade school. I’m sorry that being home with me is so horrible that at 2.5 you scream and kick and try and push your way through the bars of a metal gate just to stay at school. I’m sorry that I don’t know how to parent a toddler, but, buddy, your mercurial temperament and general toddlerness don’t make it easy. And because, dude, you ripped a chunk of hair out of my head by the roots, essentially scalping an inch square part of my head and all I did in return was take a deep breath and ask you to use your words

I did, however, take you to Disneyland. Does that score me any points at all? I also let you stay at Disneyland after you scratched my face so hard in line for Pirates of the Caribbean that I still have the mark a week later. Mostly, I’m just sorry I’m not around to help you out or answer all the questions new parents have about their own childhood. I, for one, have no idea when I slept through the night or dropped my nap. No clue if I liked bananas as a baby or if my mom just fed me nasty puréed peas from a jar. And I will never know.

My hope is that this blog is still out there as a resource for you if you are up in the middle of the night with your own sleepless newborn 16 month old baby bouncing on a ball, rocking, and mind googling or whatever is all the rage in the 2030s. I know you’ll be up, because I will have raised you to share the shitty parts of parenting with your partner. If you don’t have kids, that’s fine too. But remember if you do, that toddlers are little tyrannical assholes- you were one too*.


*And by asshole I mean blessed gift. Of course.

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13 Responses to “Dear Spencer”

  1. Suzanne says:

    Mind Googling. I bet that’s a thing. I really love this post and I hope one day Spencer loves it too.


  2. Water Babies says:

    […] sites) because she posted a letter to her son about why she blogs yesterday too that you should check out too. Or if you’re in the mood for adorable ginger children in a hotel pool pictures, stick […]

  3. danyelle says:

    excellent! a “real” letter-to-my-kid post, instead of just all the happy stuff. (the happy stuff is good to, but it’s good to hear it straight from another mother!) thx for sharing. :)


  4. Sarah says:

    I love it, particularly where you tell Spencer that he will be a good partner and up bouncing his kid super late at night!


    Amy Reply:

    He better be! If not, there will be hell to pay.


  5. Audrey says:

    I love this post. :D


    Amy Reply:

    Thanks! I almost didn’t publish it. Thought maybe I wasn’t supposed to call toddlers assholes on the internet.


  6. Jen says:

    The asshole thing might be my favorite part! I have one of those blessed gifts, too. Thanks for sharing your sadness, humor, fear and honesty. I’m sure Spencer will appreciate it when it’s his turn.


  7. Autumn says:

    Haha I feel the same way sometimes. Toddlers truly are little *assholes. :)


  8. Oh, this is the most genuine kid-letter I’ve read on anyone’s blog, well done!!! I think I’ll use some of your advice one day when I have kids. Oh,and Disneyland definitely scores points.

    Visiting via SITS Sharefest :)


  9. marci says:

    this is a fantastic post. i completely relate.


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