Apart

Every night as I lay down to sleep I think about leaving Spencer for the first time to go to BlogHer in a week and a half. We’ve only been apart for one night in his three years and that was a medical emergency. Last year he and my husband came along to San Diego and I barely ever saw them, but I still saw him once a day and got snuggles and kisses every night. I know that he will be fine and I’m leaving him in the very capable hands of my husband and mother in law and yet I worry.

My worry is that he will figure out that he doesn’t need me after all.

It all started with my old job. Everyone constantly said how vital I was and how everything out fall apart without me. And they were fine during my maternity leave – for the most part. I mean, I ended up have to work a few hours a week for most of the time and I did have to reset a password while laboring in the hospital, but overall they were got by. And then when I quit (when Spencer was about 10 months old), they were fine then too. The hospital still stands. Also? The guy they hired to replace me totally does less work for way more money and has an assistant.

Back to Spencer. If he’s left in other people’s capable hands, will he still want me to make up stories about washing machines every night at bedtime? Will he cuddle up next to me and say “you are my mommy best friend. Not like kitty and jingle. They are my toy best friends?” Someone else can be at his back and call and fetch him milk, juice and water in the right order and in the correct glasses; I just don’t want to lose the good stuff.

I’m so excited to be going to blogher, don’t get me wrong, I’m just getting a little freaked out about things that arent parties and shoes. It is also possible that I’m stressed because Spencer is turning three on friday! Then his party Saturday! Then I leave on Wednesday and I have to do all the things!!! Have I mentioned that I haven’t been able to get a good night sleep in forever because I keep waking up all night?

Maybe I’m just going crazy. Awesome.

I will not miss his new fondness for “clothes jammies.”

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9 Responses to “Apart”

  1. Kim says:

    We can be anxiety twins at blogher. My boys will be with their dad- who has never watched them for more than one night by himself- for 4 days. I am going out of my mind. I have left them before though- my parents watched them for a few days last spring, and I can tell you that the good stuff will be even better when you get back :)

    [Reply]

    Amy Reply:

    Thanks! I’m mostly worried that some work emergency will leave everyone scrambling. I’m sure once I get on the plane, I’ll won’t be worried anymore and then once at BlogHer, I won’t have time to be concerned.

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  2. Tannis says:

    I’ve left O twice in the last 6 months for a few days. The first time was harrrrd. Interestingly, the hardest part was the last 6 hours of the trip. I sat in the airport waiting for my return flight with tears pouring down my face. I wanted to be home rightthisminute. While I was gone we chatted over FaceTime at least once a day, and his dad texted me pictures throughout the day. I also texted O pictures of me, where I was, what I was doing…

    And when I got back? It was like I had never left. At all.

    [Reply]

    Amy Reply:

    I know this. I hear people say it and yet, I refuse to believe he is just fine without me, lol. It’s probably good for the both of us to be apart.

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  3. Audrey says:

    You will survive and you will be all “what was I worrying about? WHY DIDN’T HE FALL APART WITHOUT ME??” when you get back. And then you will find your swag bag and remember the good YOU time you had. :D Ev is also in a clothing for bed mood these days. Considering we don’t have a/c, it’s rather annoying.

    [Reply]

    Amy Reply:

    It isn’t even that hot here and I worry about the clothes to bed thing because we sleep upstairs and the rooms get pretty warm. Of course, on the hottest day got him in to jammies and he insisted on fleece ones… There is no winning some times.

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  4. Casey says:

    Yes! Me too! I haven’t ever been apart overnight from Roozle and while she will be happily at home with her other mom, I am totally freaking out about it!

    [Reply]

    Amy Reply:

    It’s so funny, like we *know* they will be fine, but can’t quite believe it.

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  5. mandy says:

    In 2010 this crippled me, the weeks leading up to BH. I considered cancelling so many times. I think it was day 2 of being there and I went to the room alone to shower and get ready for the night and when I got out I called home to check in. Harper, at about 18 months old, got on the phone and started saying “hi mommy! HIIII!” and I just LOST IT. Mae and Beth Anne came in and there I was wrapped in a towel bawling. It was awful but hearing how much fun she was having and how FINE she actually was, was both awesome and heartbreaking. All of this to say, I hear you and let’s promise to talk about the kiddos as much as we need to to feel better and get through it. Also, the gin. Loves you.

    [Reply]

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