February 2nd, 2012

Mama Duck Plays All Day

Spencer and I were having a lovely little bath time. Lovely if you ignore the fact that I practically had to hoist myself of my seat every time he needed adjustment or a toy fetched. He has a family of rubber ducks: mama, daddy and two smaller ducks (my charmingly self-centered boy calls both Spencer). He was playing driving, as he is wont to do in the bath and the following transpired:

Spencer: Daddy duck is driving to work. He works hard.
Me: What’s mama duck doing?
Spencer: Driving to Target
Me {laughing}: Is that all mama duck does? Goes to Target?
Spencer: No. {serious voice} She drives to Target, buys apple-peach, plays all day and then makes dinner.
Me: {speechless}
Spencer: Daddy duck comes homes and eats dinner and plays with Spencer ducks and has bath.
Me: Some mama ducks work.
Spencer: No. Mama ducks play all day.
Me: {sigh}

And then to complete my stay-at-home-mom cliche, after bedtime, I ate a giant bowl of ice cream, watched reality tv and thought about writing this post.

I am choosing to think that he is speaking to his experience (I do stay home, after all) and not his universal views on gender roles. We haven’t stressed a gender neutral upbringing, but we make very few restrictions on his choices for play, toys or dress-up. His preschool teachers are delighted that he plays with girls equally as much as boys and his dress-up fashion sense is favorably noted. Apparently he has a tendancy to put on some bracelets or a necklace with his firefighter outfit. And really, what better time for an arm party than when toddlers are fighting fires?

I was just taken aback. Ten, hell even five, years ago, I never would have imagined my future as a stay-at-home. Most days I love it and I feel that by Spencer being home most days and being in school two morning a week, he is really getting great exposure to both worlds. Part of me feels like it was a throwaway comment by a toddler and part of me thinks that I have failed completely in parenting.

At least he likes toca hair salon and robot lab equally on the ipad. That should count for something. Right? RIGHT?

January 26th, 2012

Drives Me Crazy

I’m a bad driver, probably a horrible one. I don’t enjoy it and it mostly just serves as a way to get me to the places I need to go. I avoid deviating from the route I planned in my head, unassisted left turns and driving on the freeway. I’m also a magnet for aggressive asshole drives. I once had a girl flip me off because I pulled over to let her pass. Classy.

I’m also a nervous driver, not aggressive (or even assertive) in the least. I’ve been told I drive like a grandma and absolutely hate driving with other adults in the car. I avoid it at all costs. My big issue with driving on the freeway is that I feel like all the cars are going to hit me. That and I hate passing. And merging. I’m a mess.

In an unfortunate turn of events, this is all exacerbated when I am pregnant. I noticed it last time with Spencer and except for one local highway, pretty much quit driving on the freeway for nearly a year. I’m not sure if it because of the increased hormone levels because I am carrying twins, but it is much worse this time. I can barely even ride on the freeway. My gasps and flinches and (literally) hiding behind my hands drove my husband insane during the drive to Knott’s Berry Farm. I had to stay focused on my phone to get through it at all.

Even my neighborhood doesn’t feel safe. There are three main roads that run through our neighborhood: two of them only have oncoming traffic from one side and the one down the middle is two sided. I can barely make it down the road that middle road with out having a heart attack. The stop signs are all on the side streets, but people have a tendency to roll them and not by a little but front wheels completely over the limit line is a normal stop. I know this. I know they are going to stop. Yet. Every time some one approaches, I flinch, my breathing stops and I can see, hear and feel the car crashing in to the side of my car. The sensation ends as soon as I get away from the other car.

It seems like a car almost hits me every time I drive. I’m not sure anymore how often it is real and how much it is in my head. I’m not entirely sure I can tell the difference. My accuracy rate when my husband is driving is about 75% for the car actually being too close for comfort. It doesn’t help that I have had a series of wacky things happen when driving recently that I know weren’t just my imagination. Cars not yeilding, turning in to my lane when going through a double-laned left arrow intersection, just the usual Southern California suburban driving adventure.

But, the panic attacks and the OMG THAT CAR IS GOING TO HIT ME AND WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE every time a car passes a smidgen too close is much, much worse. I tried googgling, but mostly got results about pregnant women dying in car crashes, which wasn’t really what I needed. So, for now, I guess I’ll just spend the next 20 weeks only driving on city streets, on familiar routes during the daytime. Should be a piece of cake.

If only all the roads looked like this one.

January 23rd, 2012

All I Can Think About is TWINS!?!

I’ve had plenty of time to adjust to the idea of twins, but crazy things pop in my head all the time. I am thinking about things much more obsessively than I did when I thought this was just a singleton pregnancy. I’m still getting used to the idea of having them in my belly instead of it. I thought I’d bullet point out my thoughts and then people can tell me I’m crazy or weird or be helpful and point me in the direction of more information on things. Pointing welcome.

• Twin pregnancy is going to be way more expensive. I was still working when I had Spencer and my insurance was amazing. I paid for nothing. Well, I paid a single $200 copay for an amniocentesis. That’s it. Out of my entire hospital stay, pregnancy, delivery and his first few months where we went to the doctor near weekly. Now, my husband’s insurance is the primary and I am positive this pregnancy/delivery is going to end of costing significantly more. And then after delivery, we pay per person on the insurance. Yikes.
• I want to breastfeed the twins as much as possible. I had significant low supply issues with Spencer that were exacerbated by some mistakes early on. I plan on pumping from the beginning and nursing all the time, but I will force myself to be pragmatic and not be heartbroken if I am unable to exclusively breastfeed. Some is much, much better than none.
• Cloth diapers. I’m thinking this might be the way to go. Maybe prefolds/flats and covers. I waited with Spencer until he was big enough to fit in the 12 pound and up diapers, so I have no newborn sized things already. I should be able to fix most of my diapers (I hope) to make the pocket diapers I have usable. Except for the ones where the elastic failed in the legs.
• I really want to try for a vaginal delivery of twins. I don’t think the rate is fantastic at my hospital, but it is worth pushing for. If one looks to be breech or poorly positioned, I may opt for a c-section. What I really, really don’t want is vaginal delivery of one and a c-section for the second. If I have to get a c-section, why do all the work for a vaginal delivery too? Seems like the worst of both worlds.
• I am finally getting a belly. I wasn’t really showing much before 16 weeks, but, I swear, the minute we found out it was twins, kapow!, out came the belly. I’m still in my regular clothes for now, but that mostly just goes to show how ill-fitting my clothes are. I am a little worried about being able to find shirts that are long enough. I remember that being a problem in the last few weeks of my pregnancy last time. On the bright side, I’m not working this time. I might just do tunic/sundresses plus leggings and cardigans for Spring.
• Our house layout is stressing me out. We live in a two-story house with two bedrooms upstairs (currently master + Spencer) with a bathroom of the hall between them. It’s worked out great because we just gated the top of the stairs and Spencer could come into our room when he work up. He was never locked or gated in his room. But, the rooms are small (house was built in the 50s) and I worry about putting Spencer in a room with two babies, There might be enough room in the master bedroom for a shared crib in the beginning, but after that… We could move Spencer downstairs, but then we’d need to gate him in his room. I don’t want him waking up and having the run of the house. 3 seems a little young for that. I kind of just want to move.

If you made it thorough all the words, you get a picture!

At least his favorite matching/memory game is getting him used to the concept of TWINS!?!

January 19th, 2012

Imagine That

Spencer is in the throes of a super imagination phase and I couldn’t be more pleased. My husband is normally in charge of bath time, but was sidelined this last week due to a back injury. It was so much fun to see the ways Spencer has grown in imaginative play, for some reason this seems to come out during playtime in the bath.

We had tea parties and coffee parties and I taught how to make coffee just the way I like it with “little bit milk.” He uses an old soap bottle to pour drinks into his rinse cup and then distibutes them. He also makes joke drinks, pouring water over his bath monkey (that funky monkey) into a cup and offering me monkey juice. The only accecptble response is “eeew yuckers” and making a face.

It really is the highlight of bathtime which, if I am being completely honest, I don’t love. I like the play, don’t mind the soaping and rinsing, but hate the way the noise echos in the tile wall bathroom, arguing when it is time to rinse and toothbrushing. Oh how I disike toothbrushing. It is the epicenter of the “I do it myself” toddler battles. But most of all, I miss the 30 minute break before gearing up for Spencer’s long, drawn out and exhausting bedtime.

And since the news of the TWINS!?!, I’ve been freaking out a bit that I won’t get that break anymore. We won’t have time for Spencer’s epic baths and endless bedtime. Some nights the whole thing starts at 7:30 and ends at 10:30. Not quite sure how that is going to work with newborn twins in the house. I’m the only one Spencer lets put him to bed, that is going to have to change. Any suggestions on adjusting a very set in his ways toddler to a routine without resentment would be welcome.

We’re having the first test of a non-mama bedtime (at home) when I go to BlissDom in February. That’s also news. Yay! I finally decided to go. I figure with the new babies, I probably won’t have another chance to hit a blogging conference for awhile. Are you going? Let me know.