June 27th, 2011

Thoughts on Turning 40

I’m not turning 40 this year. But my husband is. And my sister is. And in three short years, I will be. This got me thinking. Well, lots of things got me thinking, but we’ll get to those later. I thought I would start with the conclusion. Am I living the life I want to live at 40? The short answer: No. Not to get all Oprah on you, but am I living my best life? No way.

This didn’t start out as birthday introspection, but as a conversation about a car. Those happen a lot in our house. My husband was thinking about getting a new car for his birthday. A car that we could afford, but would be a stretch. A car we didn’t need now, but was at a good price at a local dealership and as a car person it was on his bucket list of cars he would like to own someday. Me, I’m the furthest thing from a car person, so the best way to get the car would be to trade in my wagon and I would drive his truck. Fine with me, but I wanted to drive it for a week first to make sure it wasn’t too hard to get the toddler in and out of it. Suddenly, my husband no longer was even considering the car. When I asked why, he said it was a fun car and he didn’t have fun anymore.

Initially, I was insulted and taken aback. Then I realized it was true. And I was bummed.

What happened to me? I have no idea. I don’t even remember what I did for fun in the past. It isn’t even a post-baby thing. We haven’t had fun in a long time. Not since my mom died and my husband switched jobs. Sure, we’ve had moments of fun and trips that were fun, but we don’t make it a point to go have fun anymore. And I don’t have fun anymore. Hardly ever. Unless it is watching Spencer have fun and then it is marginal. In fact, I might be miserable.

This isn’t one bit about my husband or our marriage, by the way. I’ve just fallen in a complacent trap of self-loathing that is so easy to slip into and so very hard to get out of. I’m in a pit, a deep pit of rage and hate. If there is such a thing as late-onset post partum depression, I have it. I have also diagnosed myself with breastfeeding PTSD. And then I realized that I am myself from 2001, just older. And I will end this funk like I ended that one. Shockingly enough, not by retail therapy, but by the systimatic application of cheer to all areas of my life and a little self improvement.

Since my resolutions were a bust, I lost interest and wandered off. I thought I would try something more simple. I’m going to continue on with my weight-loss project and then pick two thinks that bug me per month and try and fix them. If it seems overly systematic, finding solutions to problems used to be my job…

This July, I’m going to tackle to random, but annoying things: my hair and the pantry. My hair is ridiculous; it’s long and scraggly and always in a ponytail. I went weeks with out brushing it. I need to learn to do better things with my hair. In part, pinterest is giving me cute hair envy and in part I just need to figure out what to do with my hair at blogher. I don’t blow it dry, so if I put it up in the morning, it needs to come down and be party ready for the night, a tall order for any updo. I’m not sure how I will document yet, I’ll tweet a picture each day for sure and then maybe do periodic updates with anything cute. I’m bad at hair, especially bobby pins, so this should be entertaining to say the least.

Secondly, I need to do something about our pantry. My plan is to clean it out, spiff it up and spend less that $50. We call it a pantry, but it is actually a utility room with our washer/dryer, freezer, storage and a built in pantry. It is ugly as hell and full of crap.

If there is one thing I have learned from my weight-loss program, it’s that small steps matter. These two projects need to be done, will give me something to focus on and form the successes on which I will gain the confidence to do more. I can feel you all with your big sighs, rolling your eyes that a dramatic intro that sounded vaguely threatening and fairly ominous ended up being about my hair and flour canisters. Dude. That’s just how I roll.

June 27th, 2011

Birthday Week!

Growing up, we always celebrated Birthday Eve, Birthday Week and, in my mom’s case Birthday Month. So, woot! Birthday week is here and I am celebrating internet style. I have a fun giveaway tomorrow, cocktails, a tasty lemon dessert (if it turns out), some introspection, big blog news, not so big blog news and by the end of the week, I hope to usher in a whole new era here at Baby Baby Lemon. YAY! Party time!

June 26th, 2011

Finding Hope in the Everyday

I’ve talked about my weight-loss journey before and I am thisclose to losing 25 pounds. When I hit that, I’ll do an update post with pictures. ::shudder:: I’ve really been struggling with pounds 20-25. I swear I gained and lost my 23rd pond 1o times. And it can be really disheartening when the numbers on the scale aren’t moving.

But, what I have learned is that if you are sticking with your program, the odds are your body is at least reshaping even if the scale isn’t moving. Here’s some easy ways to keep track:

• Buy a belt. Preferably one with lots of holes or grommets all the way around. If you think you won’t fit in a belt, try the men’s section. They are cheaper anyways. I found one on clearance for about $5. When I started I was on the second hole, now I’m on 4 or 5 depending on the pair of pants. When I move a hole, I make a note.
• Try on clothes. Even if you can’t afford a lot of interim clothes (see below), you can try them on for free in a store when ever you want. I would stick to a single brand/style. I sized down in a pair of jeans from Target, while simultaneously not fitting in any of the jeans of that same (smaller) size that I already owned.
• Don’t be too frustrated by sizing in stores. This one makes me a bit of a hypocrite as just last week I crumpled on the floor sobbing in frustration in the dressing room at Nordstrom. Why? I fit in a 12, yet a 16 was way too tight. Vanity sizing sucks. Also note to salespeople: do not try and hug the crying fat girl.
• Buy interim clothes, if you can. Obviously not a ton of them, but if you shop clearance at Target or Old Navy, you can get a pair of jeans and some t-shirts for $30ish. I recommend a pair of dark wash jeans, 2 t-shirts and a dressier top. I wear my baggy, ill-fitting clothes at home, but have some cuter stuff when I need to go out. And shop your closet. I found some cardigans shoved in the back where the buttonholes used to pull and they fit now.
• Why interim clothes – why not just wait for a big reveal? One word: compliments. I see my in-laws once or twice a week. My mother-in-law had no idea I was trying to lose weight. I showed up at dinner in my new jeans/top and the first thing out of her mouth was “wow, you look thinner.” Score.

I’ve had a few people say to me that they could never exercise because they don’t have time and I am lucky because I have an eliptical in my house. I am lucky, but there are lots of little things that can be done to move more, that over the course of a day could add up to a decent amount of calories burned. (This is nothing that hasn’t been said in a thousand Redbook articles, but it bears repeating.)

• Park further away.
• Always return the cart to the rack if not the store.
• Don’t sit on the bench at the park. You can burn over 200 calories an hour playing, chasing or escorting your kid around the equipment. Your child too old to need an escort? Walk the perimeter. Follow the child from slide to swing to bridge and back again. Pace. You can talk on your phone and walk back and forth. Any of that burns more calories than reading a book.
• Dance while you clean. I like to shift back on forth on my feet while doing the dishes. It isn’t much but it is more than standing alone.
• Get one thing out of the refrigerator or cupboard at a time when cooking. Those steps can add up.
• Take the stairs. (Hard with a stroller, but I do it whenever I am out alone)
• If you are a member of Netflix, you can test out exercise videos before you buy them. If I had know this sooner, I would have saved a fortune. Also, check half.com. People (like me) are selling them cheap. YouTube and SparkPeople have free videos, too.
• It is ok to not like the 30 Day Shred. I hated it. My knees hurt and I quit on day 4.

And don’t forget to give yourself time. I know I won’t be where I want to be before BlogHer, but it isn’t because I didn’t try hard enough. I didn’t start soon enough.

June 25th, 2011

Spoiled: Winner

So, I used random.org to draw a winner for the signed copy of Spoiled, even though I realized that I never even said how the winner would be chosen. And it chose 11 out of 18, which meant Suzanne won. And I figured every one would just assume that I cheated because she won. Then I realized that I forgot to check the spam folder for entries and found one from yesterday and went back to random.org and it chose 11 of 19. SO, the only possible conclusion is that Suzanne is blowing the person who runs random.org.