
I start working again tomorrow and I know I should be focusing on the good parts – flexible hours, partially working from home, my own office to pump in – but I am not. I don’t really want to go back. If my insurance wasn’t so good, I might not go back, but I should at least keep my insurance until we have a second baby. I really have no idea how I am going to work at home when I am the only one home. A lot of my job is email based, so at least I can return emails while I am nursing him. He nurses for so long, that might actually cover the 8 hours I need to work in a day. I thought I was being very clever going back to work right before the upcoming paid holidays, but now I am not so sure. I still have christmas shopping to take care of and getting everything ready for my sister;s visit and my first weeks back at work at the same time. Ugh. I really didn’t think that through. At least we got the tree decorated today.
I thought I would be more excited about my first Christmas with a baby. Right now, I seems like a lot of work and I am feeling very grinchy. I don’t even want a tree. My husband wants one, so we will get one and I do want the family around the tree picture, I just don’t want to put in the effort. I want to wrinkle my nose and have it appear like Samantha on Bewitched. I am excited about getting more cloth diapers for presents though, I set up a registry and everything. I think my problem that normally I love finding that perfect and creative present for someone and I don’t have it in me this year. I just have other things on my mind. It will be a socks and scarves kind of Christmas at my house this year. I did buy Spencer his stocking today and after I got home I realized that I bought him the exact stocking I would have wanted as a child. It is a little sparkly with red and green rick rack. So cute.
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