Posts Tagged ‘Sisters are awesome!’

The Other Shoe

Thursday, January 6th, 2011

I’m feeling strange these first few days of 2011. I feel hopeful. I feel ready. I feel aware. The last time I felt like this was a long ago New Year’s Eve, the night before the dawning of 2004. I flew to Ann Arbor on a whim to hang out with my sister for NYE, watch her then-boyfriend’s band play a show, met a bunch of her friends, was feeling so positive. The world was at my door and I was kicking that thing down. So great in fact, that after copious amounts of PBR, we declared 2004 The Year of Amy. Big mistake. Huge.

2004 ended up being a year of amazing highs and devastating lows. I got in to my first choice grad school (University of Indiana, for the curious few, in Library Science), I got engaged and married. My sister got married. My brother-in-law got married. But, my dad died. My mom dipped far below what I though could possibly be rock bottom. The worst Thanksgiving in the history of Thanksgiving’s occurred. I didn’t go to my first choice grad school. My job to a turn that I had to quit 6 years later to fully shake. And I was never able to eat Craisens again.

The year started off fine enough. A blur of acceptance letters, wedding planning and trips to Indiana to look at the school and get an apartment. And then? July happened. A few things had been rocky earlier in the year, but we were all headed towards July 16th. The wedding. And then, the Monday after the 4th of July weekend my dad, who hadn’t been feeling well, went to the doctor. He was directly admitted to the hospital from this visit. To the step-down ICU/telemetry monitoring unit for a heart problem. He had some underlying medical problems, ate crappy, smoked and drank. A lot. Enough that the hospital stay threw him in to severe DTs. He was sedated to control it and my understanding was that it would be a few days.

And then my wedding happened while my dad was now in the ICU. I wore the big white dress for him, was going to have him walk me down the aisle and as a surprise picked Can’t Smile Without You as the father-daughter dance song. None of that happened. I didn’t see him on the day of my wedding, or the day before. I was too busy. He woke up that day, spoke to my mom, his mom and his sister. And never spoke again. The wedding was beautiful and awesome and a fun party. We left the next morning for our honeymoon and my dad drastically declined and died on the 27th. We were back, my sister made it back in time, but it was unexpected. It will always be closely associated with my wedding day. My mom was unable to function and instead of moving to Indiana, I deferred grad school and we moved in with my mother. Our marriage had a difficult first year.

Let’s jump forward a few years to 2006. My husband and I had just maybe decided to try for a baby before he left for 6 months for a a rigorous training program that would lead to his absolute dream job. The next day, my mom told us she had stage IV lung cancer, which has a very low survival rate and very few people make it a year when lung cancer is diagnosed at that stage. Needless to say, it seem inappropriate to try and make and flaunt a child that she would never see. My husband went off to training, I stayed home and assumed more and more of my mom’s care. The day before he successfully completed his training program, she died. I was not there. I was at my husband’s graduation. Every single time something life-changing and good happens, it kills someone . I was terrified to have Spencer because I thought someone would die. No one did, but he was born 5 years to the day on the anniversary of my dad’s death. So there is that.

Why dwell on all of this now? Because I feel hopeful. Because I want to make things happen. And I am so afraid that if something good happens that someone will die.

Last picture taken of my dad. Helping stuff candy into take-out boxes for favors.

Wordless Wednesday: More than a little resemblance to his Aunt

Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

Have a wordless wednesday post? Link up!

Yay! Sister Time! Boo Ants.

Tuesday, December 21st, 2010

My sister is here, despite nearly missed shuttles and highway closures and zomg the biggest storm of the decade. I had plans to scan in santa pictures of me and my sister through the ages, including my horrible panda shirt and our huge 80s bangs, but then the ants happened. If you are following me on the twitter, you know we are having an antpocolypse in our house. They having been pouring in for days because of the rain saturated time and seriously the ants are ruining christmas.

If there was not a toddler in the house, I would have busted out some toxic nastiness by now. I’ve tried some less toxic methods – vinegar, murphy’s soap, hot soap water and cinnamon to varying degrees of effectiveness. Mostly this has been a time suck. No cookies have been baked, blogs are being ignored, and poor angry birds, I will never finish by christmas.  Every single time I get up in the morning or leave the house, I spend 30-45 minutes cleaning up ants. Today they found the couch and the kitchen trash. I bought some bait. Going to put it in the locked cupboards and by the heater/door where they are coming in at night when Spencer is in bed. I am really at a loss. I feel like the ants have won. But YAY sister-time. You can’t win them all. Feel free to leave your ant fighting tips in the comments.

Happy Birthday Laurie!

Sunday, November 28th, 2010

Hey sister! It’s your birthday! Here is a picture from warmer times to get you ready for your trip to Hawaii.

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