Posts Tagged ‘work’

Transitions

Friday, April 30th, 2010

Today marks the day where I change from a WO/AHM to  SAHM. I never worked outside of the house for more than 10 hours a week, but I did spend another 30 working at home. It is bittersweet for many reasons. I don’t plan on  saying that much about my work exit itself because I don’t think this is the proper forum, but it is safe to say that it ranged from amicable to disappointing. I learned somethings about myself and I leaned that there are some nasty people in the world. Whatever. I am shaking it off and it is over. The plan is to stay home until Fictitious Baby Number Two is in preschool, or pre-preschool, whatever they have by then.

I am excited and worried and so many things. I thought I wanted to work, the idea that I would prefer to stay home surprised me a little bit. It crept up on me the more attached I got to my little guy. I was, after all, answering work emails both while in labor and later that night back in my room. I thought that was the person I wanted to be, baby on hip, blackberry in hand. I wasn’t good at it, though. I felt like I was doing a sub-par job at both things. That is partly because I was working from home while watching the baby. If we had an easier time finding child care we liked, I might still be working. We just couldn’t find something that was a good fit for us locally that also made sense financially.

I am also pretty defensive about it and found that some people are a little judgmental about my decision. I have learned a lesson though. I think from now on, when people inform me of some sort of lifestyle decision/change, my answer is simply going to be “That’s great” or “I’m glad you are following your heart” and I am never again asking why. If someone offers, I will listen for sure, but I never realized how hurtful a why in the wrong tone could be.

Deep Breath. It is over. Moving on. And besides, now I get to spend all day with this guy:

At the water cooler

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

I was at work yesterday and everyone in the office was going on and on about Avatar and how great it was and unique it was. The plot, mind you, not the special effects. So, I joined in. I said “Oh, I heard it was basically Dances with Wolves with blue cat people.” Dead silence. Everyone went back to their desks. I killed the water cooler chat.
Avatar… I know. I am also very timely.

Pause

Sunday, February 21st, 2010

It’s been really hard for me to write. There is this cloud of stay-at-home vs. work-outside-of-home vs work-at-home hanging over every post I start. Here is where things stand now: I am working 10-15 hours per week on-site and 25-30 hours per week from home. My husband watches the baby when I go in to work. This is not working. I am stressed beyond belief on the days I am working from home. When I am playing with Doodlebug, I have to keep one eye on email. Gone are relaxing nursing sessions, now I spend them formatting spreadsheets. Some of this could be resolved by having a sitter in the house when I am working, but I haven’t been able find anyone we like for the days I need to work out of the home, let alone having extra support when I am home. And my husband’s schedule is changing April 1st and he may start having weekends off, which is good for him, but not so good for covering my workdays.

So that is why I stopped posting. I would start writing a post about how awesome cloth diapering is going or the rainbow presents in his diapers now that we have started solid food and then my brain starts going no sitter, spreadsheet, save money, hand that rocks the cradle, missing milestones, just stay home, need a sitter, what if I can’t get a job later, have another baby, sleep, coffee, childcare, coffee sleep. So I post a picture. Captions I can handle.

Crossroads

Sunday, January 10th, 2010

My sister is fond of saying that life is a perpetual balancing act. I am finding that statement more true than ever, now that I am trying to handle work and mothering. I was hesitant to go back to work, extending my leave, and still have not managed to find child care, only working on days Dad can care for Spencer, but that is not really working out and it is getting to be decision time. Child care will take up 30-50% of my take home pay. I  certainly wouldn’t do my job for half the money; is it worth it?  There is another position with in the company doing what I do, but for a different department for almost twice the money. I think I will apply for that, but if I don’t get it, I may have to seriously consider staying home. It isn’t just about money though, I don’t want someone else to care for my baby.  And then I feel horrible, because enough money could entice me to let someone else take care of him. Does that make me greedy or just practical? I am so tired of constantly thinking about this. Becoming a stay at home mom is really appealing, which I never thought would be the case. This new job, though, would be a huge opportunity and not one I would necessarily have when I tried to reenter the work force five years from now.

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